True Preparation for Parenthood

So you want to be a parent? Thinking about having children?

Lesson 1
Women: Put on a maternity dress and stick a beanbag chair down the front. Leave it there for nine months. After nine months, remove 10% of the beans.
Men: Go to the supermarket and drugstore. Dump the contents of your wallet on the counter. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper, read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...

1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.

Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behavior. Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
To discover how the nights will feel...

1. Walk around the living room from 5 pm to 10 pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10 pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1 am.
4. Set the alarm for 3 am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2 am and make a drink.
6. Go to bed at 2:45am.
7. Get up at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4 am.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years (if you have more than one, you can extend this fun section for years and years!!). Look cheerful.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flower bed. Then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look? Now, you have thirty seconds to try to make everything look clean, because the doorbell just rang; it's the boss and his wife.

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this--all morning.

Lesson 6
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch tape and a piece of foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Last take a milk carton, a Ping-Pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

Lesson 7
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it in the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 8
Get ready to go out.

Wait outside the bathroom for half an hour. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in. Go out again. Walk down the front path.
Walk back up it. Walk down it again. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes. Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Give up and go back into the house.

Lesson 9
Always repeat everything you say at least, if not more than, five times.

Lesson 10
Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a preschool child. (A fully-grown goat is excellent.) If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy your weeks groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Lesson 11
Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone. Tip half of the remaining portion into your lap. The other half just throw up in the air. You are now ready to feed a 12-month-old baby.

Lesson 12
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, the Wiggles, Barney, Dragon Tales, Caillou, and Disney. Watch nothing else on TV for at least five years.

Lesson 13
Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down about halfway in and stick your nose in it. Do this 3-5 times a day for two years.

Lesson 14
Make a recording of Fran Drescher (she played on the show “The Nanny and has that obnoxious voice and laugh) saying mommy repeatedly. (Important: No more than a four-second delay between each mommy ; occasionally, crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required.) Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 15
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt sleeve, or elbow while playing the mommy tape made from lesson fourteen above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Lesson 16
Put on your finest work attire. Pick a day in which you have an important meeting. Take a cup of milk, and put ½ cup of Raisin Bran in it. Stir. Dampen a towel with this mixture. Now, dump the cup on your shirt and attempt to clean it with the towel. Do NOT change. You have no time. Go directly to work.

Lesson 17
Go for a ride, but first...

1. Find one large tomcat and two pit-bull.
2. Borrow three child safety seats and install them into the back seat of your car.
3. While holding something fragile, strap the cat and pit bulls into their car seats.
4. Keep the cat and the pit-bulls from touching each other while driving in heavy traffic.
5. While the cat and pit-bulls fight, scratch and squeal, answer an important call on your cell phone. Put on your makeup while waiting at stoplights.
6. Run several errands, removing and replacing the cat and pit-bulls at each stop.
7. Take the cat and pit-bulls to a meeting. Prepare individual sandwich bags with equal portions of Little Friskies, and Purina Dog Chow.
8. Try to enjoy the meeting while the cat and pit-bulls sniff and pull and howl about the contents of the other's bags.

Lesson 18
SMILE...because it is the most wonderful experience of your life!

Pet Store

Bob's sister Brandi is in love with this huge Pet Store. She wanted to show us around.

We were amazed by this talking parrot! At first you didn't realize it was the parrot telling you 'hello'!
Brandi loved this new little puppy. It was so small and cuddly!
Brayden and Colby looking at mice with their cousin Max.
This was the puppy that Brayden was so devasted to leave behind! He wanted to take it home so bad!
Here's the scary crocodile
Nana lifting Colby up to see the birds keeping their new eggs warm.

Thanksgiving at the Beach!

Colby recently learned how to write him name - and he loved showing off his new skill in the sand!
Bob and Brayden trying to throw Uncle Craig in the FREEZING water!
Brayden proudly showing me his new shell collection that Nana helped him find.

Colby started crawling on the beach like spiderman and Bob thought it looked like fun!
Brayden excited to be here!
I wanna be just like Grandpa!
Mommy & Me

Pics from North Carolina

Sorry it took so long to post pics - my computer was doing something funky. Anyhow, here are some pics from our trip! We went to an Aquarium and saw lots of fish! We all had a lot of fun!

Here is Dan (Bob's dad), Craig (Bob's brother), Sharon (Bob's mom), Brayden, me and Colby at the beginning of our Aquarium adventure!

My Boys & Mr Crocodile!Petting the Sting Rays
Getting to know the Horse Shoe Crab
Colby loves Uncle Craig!
Brayden volunteered for a part in the Jellyfish life cycle. He was so cute!

We're back!!!...Finally!

We had an extra long, fun Thanksgiving vacation at the in-laws in North Carolina! All my hubby's family was able to come (except my brother-in-laws wife, Cynthia, whom I missed desperately!!). It was neat to have everyone together again because we are now spread out over 4 states!
Pictures will follow - just wanted to let everyone know that I am still alive!! ;)

Lily Kae

Yep - we finally decided to name our baby Lily Kae! --despite Avery taking the poll by storm! I have been stressing out and mulling over this decision ever since we found out we were having a girl. (yes, I know that it's only been 4 weeks!) It feels great to have finally made a decision!!

trick or treat

My kids had a blast trick or treating last week! By the end Colby could barely hold his bag - it was so full! However, he wouldn't dare let Bob or I hold it for him because he was 'STRONG' - and then he'd lift his bag up really high to show us how strong he was. Now I just have to figure out what to do with all this candy we still have looming around our house!

Help!!

I just put a baby name poll on my blog because Bob and I just can't make a decision as to what to name our baby. Her middle name will definitely be Kay, after my grandmother's middle name, but we need help with her first name! So start your voting!!

It's a girl!!!!

When we were looking at the ultrasound, the umbilical cord was between her legs. Bob and I both said, "I think it's a boy." However, we finally got a good look - that little booger was trying to fool us!! I can't believe it - I will actually have a girl!!

A day on the farm.

On Friday I took my boys to Superstition Farms. They had so much fun with their cousins, Marley & Miles, and their friends Riley & Gavin! They did sand art, fed the farm animals, and loved making their way through the hay maze! (Brayden & Miles liked climbing on the maze the best!) I forgot to take my camera, but luckily my sis brought hers and e-mailed me some pics of our kids. Thanks Kandis!

Inside the mind of a 6 year old.

I was just looking at babycenter.com - reading up on what changes will occur with my baby next week. Brayden came up and was asking me about the baby and how big it is. I got out a ruler and showed him approximately how long it is now. He asked me, "What parts does the baby still need to grow?" I chuckled to myself and told him that the baby has all it's 'parts' - it has a head, and arms and legs, ears and eyes. I then proceeded to show him a picture on the website of how the baby looks at this stage. He said incredulously, "...and it has a tummy and penis?" I laughed and said that it will only have a penis if it's a boy. Then I reminded him that on Thursday we will find out if it's a girl or boy. I asked him what he thought it would be - thinking he would say girl as he usually does. (Brayden wants a sister and Colby wants a brother) And he looked deep in thought for a moment and said, "I think it'll be a boy now, mom....because look... (and he pointed at the picture on the babycenter website) it doesn't have girl hair!!" He thought the pic on the computer was actually OUR baby. - Not to mention that a girl would come out with long locks of hair!!

My Soccer Boys

My two cute boys had their first soccer games on Saturday. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to be there because of my girls getaway this weekend, but Bob said they had so much fun! Colby even scored 2 goals in his game and both boys were beaming as they relived their game experience telling me about it! Brayden's team is called the "Silver Snakes" and Colby's is the "Green Goblins". Actually, Colby's team doesn't have a name, but he was upset that Brayden's team had a name and his didn't....so, Bob, the great Dad that he is, came up with a name and now Colby is on cloud 9 being on the "Green Goblins"!!

Girlz, Girlz, Girlz!!

This weekend I had a little girls weekend with some of my best friends from High School. It's tradition every September to have some type of getaway for as many of us that can come. This year Bridget, Marci, Haleigh and I spent Fri & Sat in Scottsdale. It was so much fun! I would go into detail..........however, I think Bridget and Haleigh pretty much covered it all in their blogs!! So - for pics and details refer to their blogs!! And Haleigh, I WAS lovin' the ice cream!!

October 18th...

... is the day I have my ultrasound! I am really excited to finally have the date set, but..... why oh why do I have to wait until I'm 20 WEEKS!! I'm dying here. I asked my doc and he said it would be okay to do it a week or two earlier. However, when I got to the reception desk, they informed me that their ultrasound tec will be on vacation for 1 1/2 weeks and this was the soonest they could do it. I guess I have to be patient...I just want to know sooo bad!!!

The Toothfairy's comin' to our house tonight!

Brayden lost his first tooth! I always assumed he would loose his teeth early because he got his teeth early, at 5 months old, however, that wasn't the case! His cousin and most of his friends have been losing teeth right and left for a year now! He is so excited that he said he wants everyone to call him "lucky" from now on because he is so lucky he lost his tooth!

Silly Boy

Today I was trying to get Colby together to go pick Brayden up from school... just like always. I told him to go get shoes on and of course he doesn't want to. We go through this a lot.... if he knows he's not getting out of the car, he doesn't want to put his shoes on. I don't blame him, really. However, he has this foot fetish that he can't walk in the garage without shoes because his feet get dirty. So, I end up carrying him to the car. Lately it is getting harder and harder to do this.....because he is 36 lbs. now and also my lil' pregnant belly is starting to get in the way! So today as I was lifting him to the car, I told him that mommy can't do this anymore because I have a baby in my tummy. To this he sweetly replied,"But mommy, it's alright, the baby isn't crying... see?"

Blog Fun

I got this from Dawn's blog...it looked like fun...

My roommate and I once: got in a fight! No, not fist fight, but it's a funny story. We were supposed to go somewhere on a Saturday morning...I don't even remember where. (Background info: this was my chipper early morning roommate that was up and dressed with make-up on and hair done by , I swear 7 am every morning!! Yes, you guessed right - it's Haleigh!!) So, of course Haleigh was all ready to go and I, of course, was still asleep. I'm sure she waited around a while and then decided to wake me up I'm thinking around 9 or 10. Now - I am the complete OPPOSITE of Haleigh. I like my sleep, and I absolutely HATE being woken up. And - you might not want to talk to me for at least an hour after I wake up or I'll bite your head off. (I sound so sweet, huh!!) So...Haleigh goes to wake me up and I tell her to go away....so she proceeds to take my covers from me and I flipped out!! I told her I hated her and to leave me alone!! Poor Haleigh!!! My hubby can relate, I'm sure! I later apologized and am lucky she still considers us friends after all these years!!

Never in my life have I: been out of the country. (besides Mexico) I would love to travel the world! Not likely any time soon, but it's a goal of mine for the future

High School was: lots of fun, however, I'm glad it's over!

When I am nervous: I can't think of things to say. I stumble over words and draw a blank. You can imagine what giving a talk is like! Pitiful!

My Hair: really needs to be trimmed! I have so many split ends and my highlights have been grown out a while. I also am thinking about a total new hairstyle...but, I fear change!

When I was 5: My mom got remarried. I totally adored my new Step dad when my mom was dating him, however, when they got married he became a real jerk!

When I turn my head left: I hit my head on the wall, OUCH!

I should be: feeling much better by now!! I swear I feel like this morning (& afternoon & evening) sickness is lasting FOREVER!! I am almost 15 weeks and I still feel like I'm gonna puke most of the time. Luckily, the puking has stopped, now I just need the "urge to puke" to stop!

By this time next year: we will probably have moved out of state. Boo Hoo!! I love where I live and all the friends and family I have around me! However, when Bob took this position 3 years ago, we knew we would eventually have to move out of state.

My Favorite Aunt is: my Aunt Julie and my Aunt Dana. These are my only 2 Aunts, one on my mom's side and one on my Dad's. My extended family is not very close. I probably see my Aunt's every 2 years or so. I always wished my family was closer.

I have a hard time understanding: how people can hurt children. Especially their own children. I love my boys sooo much and can't imagine hurting them emotionally, mentally or physically. (I obviously watch too much Oprah) But it really does make me angry to hear stories of children in abusive homes.

My ideal Breakfast is: Pancakes, Waffles, French toast, Fried Eggs, English Muffins, Bacon, Omelets, and Bagels....Mmmmm I LOVE breakfast food! And if I could eat it all, I would have it all for one meal!! (Can you tell I'm Pregnant! Ha!)

If you spent the night at my house: you'd have to stay up chatting with me! Bob likes to go to bed early because he wakes up @ 5 to work out....and I'm a night owl! I will stay up until my eyelids are uncontrollably closing! Whenever my sis comes to stay with me, we play Skipbo until the wee hours of the morning!

I shouldn't have been: at walgreens a couple of Sundays ago....I was cravings twizzlers soo bad, I thought I would literally die without them!!

Last night I: cleaned my house because Bob got home at midnight from his race in Colorado. He's a clean freak and I wanted to make him happy with a clean house when he got home. Plus, when the house is clean, I get more action!

I've been told I look: sweet and innocent....people always think I'm this shy, sweet little thing that could do no wrong, could that be further than the truth?!? They obviously don't know me very well!! Refer to the first question on this list!!

Pink

I know, I have 2 boys and decided to change my blog to pink. Sometimes you just crave femininity, what can I say?

1st day of Preschool

Today was Colby's first day of Preschool. He was so excited this morning getting all dressed and ready with Brayden....and then he realized that he doesn't get to go to school till 12:00. Every few minutes he'd say,"It's 12 o'clock mom" He wanted it to be 12 so desparately all morning!! When he finally got off to school, he was beaming! Today he got a little book bag with his name on it from his teacher to take to school each day. He also made an apple puppet and learned about the letter A. He is so happy to be a "big kid" and go to school.

"My Bad"

A couple of days ago Brayden was working away on his math homework - a full page of subtraction. When he was finished, he brought it to me and as usual I checked his work. One of the problems was wrong, so I proceeded to tell him to redo it. Then he says, "oh, my bad." It completely caught me off guard and I could stop laughing!! Since when does he say "my bad"? He's such a cutie!!

(And by the way.....I found this pic as well as a few others on my camera recently. Brayden obviously got a hold of it and took all kinds of silly pictures of himself!! )

Mommy's Online

I found this poem that I thought was hilarious...

Mommy's Online
I can hear them calling, so I know they are fine.

"Where's Mom?" they are saying, Don't they know I'm Online?!!!

"We're Hungry!", I hear. I tell them, "Please hush!

Mom is online now, what is the rush!!?"

They had a bite yesterday when the phone lines were out,

These kids drive you crazy...Oh look! There's a pout!

I dispense bowls of cereal as I download a file...

No time wasted here...I'm a true computerphile!

I check out the boards and respond to a few,

"We're so bored!!," moan the children, "What can we do?!!"

I tell them to stop, please do not whine.

Geeez...can't they see their mother is busy online??!!

The grumbling continues as they wander about

"Mom's ALWAYS on the Computer!!," together they shout!

Unawares to me, they yank the phone from the Jack,

saying, "Daddy is right...this is the way to get Mommy back!"
Author Unknown

Our little Tike

Last week I had an ultrasound because my doctor thought there could be twins in there! Apparently when he checked me, my uterus was larger than it should be at this stage. No wonder I am already showing! But, nope, there's only one little baby in there! It was so nice to get a glimpse of him/her and realize that all this being sick is really worth it!!

My 1st Grader!

Time Flies! One minute I can't wait for him to grow up and experience all the fun new stages, and the next minute I want to pull back on the reigns and say "whoa, boy!"!! I can't believe Brayden Started 1st grade a week ago! At first I was a little worried that being at school all day would be an adjustment, however he's handled it like a pro! He loves his teacher and talks about new friends he's made. His favorite part of the day is lunchtime! Eating at school is a BIG novelty!

Brayden's teacher gave them an assignment at their 'meet the teacher' to make a poster describing their favorite things. It wasn't due for a couple of weeks, but of course Brayden had to get right on it and bring it the first day of school! He was so proud!

As hard as it is seeing my baby grow up, it's definitely exciting, too!

We miss you!

Bob and Colby left for the long drive to Montana last Tuesday evening. Ahhhh...vacation! I have been having so much fun with Brayden! It's not often I get to spend so much one on one time with him!! However, we are both missing Colby & Bob more than ever! We'll see you Thursday!!

Tagged

Haleigh also tagged me asking me to name 7 random things about myself. When I sat down and thought about the little quirks about myself - I realized how rather strange I am!!! Here goes nothin'......................

1. I love puzzles. I will buy 1000 piece puzzles and do them nonstop for days!! I know - very grandma-ish, but it's soo much fun!!

2. Okay, I have this weird pet peeve with my sink. The left side of it ALWAYS has to be empty or I freak out! Even if I don't do my dishes all day...I'd rather them be in the right side of the sink and on the counter than in the left side. I want room to wash my hands without dishes in the way. Also, when I go to rinse the dishes, I want an empty side to do it in! I know - cuckoo!!

3. I'm a Dr. Phil fanatic!! I can always work him into a conversation. Like, "well, Dr. Phil says....". Lately, I try to keep my mouth shut as much as I can because it gets embarrassing!! - and probably annoying!! Yet, I can't get enough of that bald babe!!!

4. I am so hooked to Sudoku! Amber bought me a sudoku book since I've been sick, bored to tears laying on my couch all day! Ever since - I can't put it down! I've finished 36 of the 72 in this book and can't wait to get my hands on another one!!

5. Sunsets mean "I love you" in our fam. On Bob and my first date there was an amazing sunset! Ever since whenever we see a sunset we'll call each other and say, "go look outside" - basically saying, "I love you". Well, our kids have caught on to this and Brayden once saw a sunset outside and ran to get me. When he showed it to me he said, "This means I love you, mom!" So cute.

6. Another huge pet peeve of mine is long toenails! YUCK! I am constantly running after my kids with the toenail clippers - and bugging Bob to cut his!! When I decide I need a pedicure, I have to consciously make myself not cut my toenails for a few weeks - a french pedicure doesn't look so hot on little stubby toenails!!

7. Last, but certainly not least......I want a girl sooo bad!! I try and be diplomatic telling people I wouldn't be dissappointed if I'm having a boy or that it really doesn't matter. ---Probably more to convince myself more than anything! But, let's face it, all I can think about is a sweet little girl. All I can look at is cute little girl clothes! I've already bought 3 things for my "girl"!! So - No matter what I say...I want a girl - and yes, I'll be dissappointed if I don't get one!!

Natalie, Dawn & Shelly - consider yourself tagged!! Write down 7 random things about yourself in your blog!! Good luck!

Happy Birthday Brayden!

Brayden had a spiderman themed Birthday Party. We played on the slip 'n slide, shot water guns at each other and then had a water ballon fight! After eating cupcakes and capri suns, we headed inside for a few more games. The kids made little spiderman crafts, played pin the spider on the web and pass the spiderman (hot potato). They all had lots of fun!

After all these fun things I had for the kids to do, the biggest hit of the party was Brayden's new Cars race set that he got at Toys R Us for his birthday yesterday! Man - if I would've known that, planning the party would have been a lot simpler!!!